Self introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Mervis and I am enrolled into the Mechanical Design And Manufacturing Engineering (MDME) in Singapore Institute of Technology. When I was young, I am always curious on how the aeroplane would fly smoothly in the air and how the aeroplane work. The curiosity in me has lead me to study Aeronautical and Aerospace Technology for my diploma. In my diploma course, I have built a small prototype aeroplane made of styrofoam and throw it to see how far the prototype would fly. I have also learned on how to use AutoCAD to produce different kind of parts and perform a stress analysis on the part. During my internship, I was in a manufacturing company and posted to the assembly department. During my time there, I have learn on how precise each measurement must be when assembling parts together and how each screws must not be over torqued as it will spoil the assembly plate.
In terms of communication strength, I am able to lead group of men. Back in my National Service, I was tasked to teach the juniors. I would listen to their thoughts about the roles and change their role to make sure they feel comfortable. I would also ask them to give me feedback on a regular basis. My weakness is I was not able to speak alot as I tend to feel awkward.
In this module, I hope that I am able to communicate well with people around me and feel less awkward and to be able to present myself well during presentation and meetings. What differentiate myself from others is that I would go outdoors and take pictures as a part of my photography hobby. I would take a picture of almost everything around me as I feel that things around me are neglected and we would usually ignore them. I would then take picture of everything and keep it as a memory. I hope that this letter will let u to understand me and my personality.
Best regards,
Mervis
Hi Mervis! Its nice to get to know more about you as our interactions in class were not enough haha
ReplyDeleteSomehow reading this actually lets me know more about your personality more as a friend and how it actually fits! Aside from that, some spelling and grammers could be improved and some sentences be phrased better! Aside from that, I look forward to working with and getting to know you better!
Nice introduction, Mervis, it paints a clear picture of your academic journey and interests. Just a small note on grammar, consider changing phrases like 'When I was young, I am always curious' to 'When I was young, I was always curious.' Also, 'I have learn' should be 'I have learnt.' These small changes can make your writing more polished. Additionally, shorter sentences and well-defined paragraphs could enhance the overall readability of your letter. Looking forward to working with you!
ReplyDeleteHi Mervis! Great introduction about yourself, just a few small grammatical mistakes here and there. Maybe you could improve the writing a tad more with some paragraphing for each key point, for us, readers to understand more clearly. Looking forward to working with you!
ReplyDeleteGood day Mervis!
ReplyDeleteYour letter exhibits a well-constructed narrative, offering a thorough understanding of your academic path, experiences, and personal attributes. However, it is imperative to address certain grammatical errors. Furthermore, refining sentence structures will contribute to heightened clarity in your communication.
Keep up the good work!
Robin
Hi Mervis! I really like your letter especially the first paragraph where you pursue a course based on your childhood interest in aeroplanes. Your sentence structure for the first paragraph is very engaging and give a sense of your personality. There are a few grammar mistakes but overall its very interesting. Looking forward to working with you and to know you better.
ReplyDeleteHi Mervis!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing ur introductory letter. Your curiosity since young sparking interest in engineering was well written! Your hobby is also very unqiue and interesting and it was a joy to read more about it. Hope you get to achieve your goals in this module.
Dear Mervis,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well developed letter. You address each item of the prompt and elaborate in a way that allows us readers to come to understand something important about you. For instance, we can see through your descriptions that you have a keen eye for detail: the work on the precision of the manufacturing process during your internship, your passion for photography and capturing the commonplace, the "neglected." This certainly says something about your personality.
As for your shyness, we can see that in class, so I'd like to challenge you to come of your comfort zone. Maybe set a goal of trying to make at least one unsolicitied comment or question each week. Why not? That's a detail with a learning outcome finish to it.
As for tour language use, this is a fluent effort but there are a few items to consider:
1. verb tense/form
-- When I was young, I am always curious on how the aeroplane would fly smoothly in the air and how the aeroplane work. > (tense inconsistency/lack of parallel structure) ?
-- In my diploma course, I have built a small prototype aeroplane made of styrofoam and throw it to see how far the prototype would fly. > (tense)
In my diploma course, I built a small prototype aeroplane made of styrofoam and threw it to see how far the prototype would fly.
-- I have learn on how precise each measurement.... > I have learned how precise each measurement....
-- I would listen to their thoughts about the roles and change their role to make sure they feel comfortable. > ?
-- My weakness is I was not able to speak alot as I tend to feel awkward. > (inconsistent perspective)
-- and other tense issues
2. word use
-- each screws > (number consistency?)
-- will let u > (formal/informal?)
I look forward to hearing more from you in the coming weeks.
Best wishes,
Brad